Chronicles of a grieving mother

Six months into my traumatic experience, I started feeling waves of unmeasurable pain. I thought I was in pain before, but this is another level. I have so far been consciously pushing my pain away and it sort of blew up inside me. I somehow knew this would happen eventually and was dreading the moment I can’t control everything anymore. And so it arrived…

You probably figured it out: I lost a child six months ago. Mya, my magical daughter left us in November 2017. She was born with her twin sister Ella in London in April 2013. Mya had a very rare form of genetic epilepsy which isn’t usually fatal at her age. But life was very unfair to her and her lungs failed - what her doctors think is the first case in the world.

Mya is a warrior and the most beautiful and alive human being you’d ever meet. She suffered with a big smile on her face and never let anyone take pity on her. We discovered her illness when they were six months and I moved to Lebanon with Ella and Mya soon after. Ironically the health care was better in Beirut than London and I wanted to be with my family.

I usually don’t use social media to share my personal experience but I feel a need to do this. You probably guessed that what you will read here will mostly be a bumper but it might be funny at times. I can be super unlucky and very weird things happen to me way too often. I will use this blog to describe my journey and organise my thoughts and will try to plan a few themes for the coming articles. I hope this will help other grieving mothers and really encourage you to share your experiences here too.

Let me know if there’s anything you’d like me to write about. I’m planning some articles on mental health and seeking help; my experience with antidepressants; Ella, my ray of sunshine; exercising; motherhood and work ambitions; raising feminists children; masking the pain; and grief and weight gain.

Let’s keep this short but I will be back shortly with a new blog entry.

Love

Sabine